July 22, 2026

There’s a moment every horse person runs into sooner or later. You either catch your horse just as they’re approaching their emotional threshold – when thinking just starts to give way to reaction – or you miss the passage completely and find yourself with a 1,200 lb whirligig on a string. In either case, dealing with that moment isn’t about suppressing fear. It’s about redirecting it.

 

When a horse is approaching - or has already surpassed - their sympathetic nervous system threshold, their focus narrows to doing whatever it takes to survive the imminent threat of that [insert here] (e.g., lion, monster, umbrella, or crisp autumn breeze). Their attention becomes fixed, and their ability to think, process, and respond thoughtfully begins to drop away. In that state, trying to suppress the fear – or push through it – tends to escalate the situation rather than resolve it.

 

Instead, we must redirect: Rather than allow their attention to stay fixated on the external stressor, we intentionally draw it back to us. We make ourselves more relevant, more engaging than whatever has captured their focus, and give them an alternative place to put their attention... one that leads them back toward regulation instead of further into the spiral of fear.

 

To accomplish this, we must effectively meet their energy (plus a little) and reflect it back toward them – pull their focus to us so we can connect with them where they are. Then, the moment we feel their attention on us, we soften. We drop our energy, or replace it with an equal level of calm. This is how we teach our horse the “reflex to relax” to borrow a term from Karen Rohlf. Attention falls on us, and relief follows.

 

This is the practical side of the work. It is observable, repeatable, and incredibly effective. Where things become difficult is not usually in the concept itself, but in how we experience these moments as humans.

 

When our horses become afraid, we often become afraid, too. We’ve been told that horses pick up on our fear, that we make things worse if we feel it, and that we should “put our fear aside” – as though it’s something we can simply isolate and discard. As we repeat these learned mantras to no avail, our fear quickly feeds into feelings of helplessness.

 

Thus, the situation devolves.

 

The truth is, fear is not something we can remove and set aside when it’s inconvenient. We may be able to fool other people into believing we’re calm. Heck, humans are pretty good at convincing themselves that it’s sound reason (and not fear) that holds them back from 'that thing they don't want to do' (but secretly do). But, you cannot lie to a horse. They are extraordinarily perceptive. They are constantly aware of our breathing, our heart rate, and the smallest changes in our energy and muscle tension.

 

It’s true – the most effective horseperson tends to be the one that remains unmoved by fear in the face of it; that applies the principles of redirection with excellent timing and feel and without judgement clouded by whirlwind emotions. But that doesn’t mean it’s time to give up the moment we feel fear ourselves.

 

So the question becomes: how do we show up for our horses when we are also afraid?

 

The answer is not to suppress that fear, but to be honest, open, and intentional with it. Let it be part of the conversation.

 

When you’re approaching (or already in) a panic situation, find the strength to say to your horse: “I’m afraid too. But I will find a way to help us through this.” If the energy you need to find in order to draw your horse's focus can’t come from a place of perfect calm, let it come from fear. Let your horse feel that you are in this with them. You are both responding to something that feels significant – and you are both looking for a way back to safety.

 

Let your fear fuel your presence rather than diminish it. Let it give you the power to pull your horse from the brink and draw their focus back to you.

 

When you do get that attention, something truly monumental becomes possible. You can both release. You can breathe out, soften, and mark that moment. Together. You’re not just creating a reflex to relax in your horse, you’re creating a shared association between connection and relaxation for both of you.

 

Horses (and humans) do not seek out fear, and when they find themselves in it, they do not want to stay there. If we can develop a clear pathway back to regulation through connection, then we are building something our horses (and we) will choose again and again.

 

Through all of this, one piece must remain non-negotiable: maintain your space first. This is not about dominance – it is about safety. A frightened horse will move into pressure, into space, and into you unless they clearly understand boundaries. Clarity creates safety, and safety allows everything else to work.

 

Honesty, connection, and willingness to be there for each other are what horsemanship is all about – don’t cheat yourself and your horse out of developing this genuine bond by trying to hide your fear!